Yes it’s the last part…
it’s been so long since I posted something here.. (sorry)
thanks for visiting and reading 🙂
hope this part will not disappoint you.. *bows*
So lay now.
You can count on me tonight.
When you close your eyes,
I’ll be right by your side.
No need to worry.
It’s all right, I’ll be just by your side.
I’ll never leave you till you sleep tonight.
Cover you with my arms and hold you tight.
I’ll keep watching you.
I promise, I’ll never leave…
“I know Rena-chan will definitely like this…”
Jurina whispered to herself, and a smile worked its way across her face, as she watched in fascination while examining the pair of silver necklace on the palm of her right hand.
The light coming from the jewelry store hit them as she tilted her palm from left to right and watch the shimmering light projected at the silver pendants.
One month prior, Jurina went to this store, to bring her own layout for the design that she wanted to be done with the necklaces.
She lifted the two entwined necklaces and allow it to dangle from her hand. The exquisitely unique accessories, showcases a magnetic interlocking heart design pendants. Which formed an infinity symbol when joined. (Symbolizing everlasting love and devotion.)
The half of the heart shape pendant, accented with black cubic zirconia (black diamond) has Jurina’s name neatly engraved in its outline. And Rena’s name on the other diamond accent half.
With a smile of contentment painted on her face, Jurina immediately prompted the shop attendant to enclosed it in a nice package.
It’s been a year, since Rena confessed that night under the sky sprinkled with stars. And Jurina will be reliving those moments together with the item that she was holding in her hands wrapped in a small pink box tied with baby blue ribbon as a sign of their unending love and friendship.
Jurina held out her phone inside her black rider’s jacket, and started reading Rena’s message.
From: Matsui Rena
I’m heading to the train station now…(^_^)
See you in a bit.
Received: 4:46 pm
Rena knew nothing about the gift. All she knew was, the both of them were only going to watch the concert of her favorite rock band— the B.O.C as the band will be holding a concert at Nippon Gaishi Hall at exactly 7 in the evening. Jurina saw how happy and excited Rena was, when the both of them brought the tickets in advance.
And about the necklace, Jurina kept it as a secret as possible and she was planning to give it to Rena later after they met at the station. Jurina laugh to herself thinking, of how this gimmick seemed to be “too old fashioned”.
Her attentions returned back to the phone, Jurina scrolled down some more and view Rena’s latest messages.
By this moment, Jurina knew that Rena was getting antsy. Since the time she entered the store, Rena keeps on sending messages to her, obviously asking of what took her so long. Yet, she just told the latter to wait for a moment and she was on her way to the train station.
From: Matsui Rena
What time will you get here? I’m already at the train station…
Received: 5:16 pm
From: Matsui Rena
Jurina, where the heck are you!? I’ve been waiting here for almost 30 minutes… and it’s getting dark.
Received: 5:47 pm
Jurina couldn’t suppress a smile as she was picturing out, how Rena’s face looks funny when she sulks.
She was at the Sakae area and the ride from the train station to Kasadera station was about 10-30 minutes. From there, it’s a three minute walk before they reach to Nippon Gaishi Hall.
Sliding the mobile phone back to her pocket, Jurina went out of the store. It couldn’t have been happier to walk at the side street to the train station where Rena has been waiting.
She heard a familiar ringing tone and recognizes that it was coming from her mobile phone, and then got it out of her pocket again. Rena’s name and avatar flashes into the screen.
“Rena-chan, I’ll be right there in a minute okay? Don’t be mad please…” Jurina start off, before the girl could initiate her lengthy speech through the phone.
“It’s nearly 6 o’clock Jurina, could you please hurry up? Co’z we will surely missed the concert. ” Rena being irritated was audible at the tone of her voice on the other end.
Jurina chuckled then walks faster than her usual pace. Rena couldn’t afford to missed that concert. It was her ultimate dream, to attend and see her fave band in live concert. That was written on their “checklist” —of the things they wanted to do, while spending their summer break together.
Jurina was well aware that Rena was getting a bit displeased now. So she increased her pace, while holding the mobile phone up to her ear.
“Just wait for—” Jurina stopped to look on her side.
Almost immediately she was confronted by the deafening sounds of screeching tires, added by the blinding lights came pass through her. That was the last thing Jurina heard and witnessed before her body flew through the air. Her visions wheeling to the darkening sky, to the ground and back the sky.
Then the pain registered as her head and body slammed into the hard unforgiving asphalt.
After that, there was nothing, nothing but darkness.
Jurina’s consciousness grappled with the unending unmarked darkness, trying but finding nothing to hold onto. Her mind whirled through the empty nothingness. The blackness went on forever, an eon of floating, spinning and swimming through not a thing.
After what seemed like a lifetime, Jurina vaguely sensed something besides utter dark. She latched on to it, so thankful for anything tangible in the perfect nothing.
It was pain. Buzzing and smothering pain. Everywhere, in everything. It burned, it tortured and it killed. It eclipsed even in the unending blackness. Jurina tried to twitch, tried to escape the flames of hurt, but her body didn’t respond to her commands.
She was helplessly tumbling through nothingness. It hurt so much. It hurt and it wouldn’t stop. She thought it would be best to stay put, to stay motionless.
What the hell had happened anyways? Jurina tried to focus her mind on why she was here, wherever it was…
Slowly, like listening with your head underwater, Jurina became aware of voices. Voices over her, or maybe under her. Several different voices, fading in and out in a confusing whirl of sound. Direction was confusing in this nothingness.
…what happened to her?!
They’ll be here soon…
License plate of that car…
But somewhere, along with the mixture of unknown and unfamiliar voices, Jurina heard a voice that she recognized all her life… and tried to find that voice.
Oh my god…
…god please Jurina
…she’s not breathing
…can you hear me?
…don’t move her
…please Jurina don’t leave me, oh God Jurina, don’t go….
Don’t go, stay here….
Jurina wondered if she should answer that distressed voice crying her name. It seemed important somehow. But the darkness still beckoned, and Jurina knew if she turned, floated, swam back to that voice, the pain would return full force.
But that voice. The voice was familiar, as familiar as her own, and it needed answering so badly. Jurina couldn’t let that voice cry and scream; she had to respond.
Rena. It’s Rena…
As if naming the voice was tantamount to making a choice, the dakness slightly faded away, leaving Jurina once again tumbling through absolute nothing but never ending pain.
Jurina struggled, frustrated with the loss of whatever progress she had made, flailing violently with all her might to find anything at all, anything besides pain.
Jurina let out in a soft and raspy voice. Eventhough she did not expect that Rena would hear it.
“I’m here. I’m here Jurina. I love you.. please be okay…”
Wracked sobbing screams and cries for help. Why was it raining? Jurina became aware of externals, knowing that the pain she was feeling was coming from her body. Her broken body. Jurina reeled away from that body, not wanting to feel the awful pain associated with it. But that was the only way to hear Rena.
The voice…the voice was all that was important. Pain would pass, could be gotten used to… but the voice was everything.
Jurina focused with all her strength on Rena’s voice, aching to hold her and tell her that she wasn’t going anywhere, but would she PLEASE stop the pain?
But she couldn’t move. As if a heavy blanket lay over her entire body, holding her down with a stone weight. Yet her mind wasn’t held down. She tried to voiced out her thoughts to Rena, comforting her.
Jurina wanted to say, ‘I love you too. Don’t worry I’m fine, it’ll be okay.’
But it came out as, “Love… love you… okay….”
If she hadn’t went to the store to fetch the gift for Rena…
If she hadn’t been on this street…
If she’d walked faster or slower…
If she hadn’t answered the phone call…
Jurina’s consciousness faded out again to the nothing, but as her mind faded to black there was one single last image of Rena appeared in her mind. Recalling her warm, bright smile and those pretty brown eyes, that looks like they were pleading.
The darkness was tugging at me now, but for the first time I managed to ignore it; thrust it aside. This was just too important.
Oh yeah… I knew what to do. I knew what to do to keep Rena with me. It took a lot of effort though; A LOT of effort. Yet before I achieved it, the expected battery of medical staff arrived to poke and prod me, trying to work out what was happening.
But they couldn’t make Rena leave because I was holding on too tight. They tried to pry her hand away from mine, but there was no way I was going to let go; no way at all.
I managed to force my eyes open; just a tiny bit, but slammed shut again at the stabbing pain of the light of the outside world. I tried to open my eyes again, blinking at the light that was harsh after the darkness. The blinking helped and the blurred, flickering images resolved and I was looking at Rena. She was pale; so pale and I could see that she had been crying… a lot.
I barely noticed that there was anyone else in the room but I couldn’t shut them out completely, they were too obtrusive. They seemed to swarm and they were everywhere; nurses, doctors, whoever.
They were talking to me. I knew it; asking me questions, wanting things of me; to stretched my eyes flashing some light and; to squeeze their hands— but my eyes were busy and the only hand I wanted to squeeze was the one already in mine.
Whatever they did to me I ignored. My eyes were locked with Rena’s; willing her to understand; willing her to stay; begging her not to go; not to leave me. She looked stunned, shocked and… scared.
After a while; far too short a while, the darkness started to fight back in earnest. I struggled with it but it kept seeping in, and in the end it was sweeping through me in waves and I knew it was going to take me. I was terrified. I didn’t want to go to sleep because I was afraid of what I would find, or not find when I woke up.
My grip on Rena’s hand was weakening and I fought to hold on; to stop her being taken away. My eyes begged and pleaded with her even as they began to lose focus and slide away from her. She looked… empty, drained and unsure.
Mustering one last burst of energy, I squeezed her hand and at last she smiled and nodded slightly. The relief sweeping through me, pried my fingers away from the edge of the cliff and I fell.
I woke up and I knew instantly that something was different. I was more aware of what was happening around me and, when I tried, I find that I could move my hand quite easily.
I turned my head towards the sound of the voice and opened my eyes. My mother smiled through her tears and brushed the hair out of my face.
“Oh dear.” Was all she said. It was all she could say.
I smiled at her.
I opened and closed my mouth a few times and licked my lips. My mouth was dry as dust but it seemed I had finally won the battle with that chunk of plastic.
“Are you thirsty sweetheart?”
After my mother asked, she reached out for the glass and filled it with water from the glass pitcher at the table beside my bed. As I slowly lifted my head from the pillow, she approached quickly and put her hand behind my head to help me into a more seated position. Then placed the rim of the glass to my lips and assisted me to drink.
Was I in hell?
That first sip of water tasted like nectar from heaven; even though it did highlight the fact that I had a really, really sore throat. I lay back with a sigh and relaxed onto the soft white pillows as my mother stroked my hair. Even though my body was assailed by numerous aches and pains; some small, some not so small; I was content…
Until the memory hit me! I sat bolt upright, although I couldn’t sustain it and fell back instantly, gasping with pain. But I was not about to let pain get in my way.
“Rena.” I gasped through a throat so constricted it could barely let the sound through.
“Rena.” I had to know. I had to know that she was alright.
“Sssh, now, sssh. She’ll be here soon. She’s not gone far. She’s never far away.” Mom’s left hand was gently pressing my shoulder to prevent any movements coming from me.
“Sssh, Jurina. You’re not strong enough yet. Just relax now. Rena will be here soon.”
“No.” She didn’t understand. She could be… she might be…
“Rena.” I insisted and my mother looked alarmed.
The monitors were showing my panic again and a nurse appeared as if by magic. She tried to soothe me but I was resolute.
“You need to relax now. If you don’t, I’m going to have to sedate you again. You don’t want that do you?” It was the nurse telling me.
Oh hell. After so long being able to think but not speak it was too easy to let thoughts slip out of my mouth. I widened my eyes and swallowed but she just smiled and nodded.
“I can see you are feeling better. But you still need to rest; to relax.”
“Rena.” I said stubbornly.
“It’s alright, sweetheart.” My mother said quickly. “I’ll go and find her. You take it easy and I’ll bring her back.”
I looked at her anxiously. Bring her back. What if she couldn’t? What if…?
“Calm down, Jurina. What are you getting so wound up about? Why is it so important for you to see Rena?”
“I came back… for her.” I could see my mother’s face and it looked sad, disappointed. “And you,” I added hastily, “but…” She smiled and touched my face.
“I know sweetheart. I know. You loved her and she’s the most important thing in your life right now. I understand.”
“No.” She didn’t understand. She couldn’t but I couldn’t tell her. It wasn’t my secret to tell.
“I need to…” Damn it was hard to talk. My throat was incredibly sore. “I need to talk…”
“You’re not going to be doing much talking for a while.” It was the nurse again.
Screw you. Butt out witch. What did this have to do with her? Fortunately, that time I didn’t say it out loud. I think she saw it in my eyes because she smiled and patted me. Patted me? Sh–, the person I love might be killing herself… right now; and she’s patting me!
“Rena.” I insisted. “I need…”
“Alright; alright.” She threw her hands up in the air. “I don’t know what’s so goddamn important that you have to talk about it right now… but I will go also and get Rena. Try to rest until I get back.”
For God’s sake does no one appreciate urgency when they see it? I closed my eyes and ground my teeth. The nurse fussed around me and I had a sudden, terrifying thought. She wasn’t… Thankfully she wasn’t. She was just fiddling with equipment, checking things and generally hanging around. She must have seen my face because she grinned at me.
“Don’t worry; I may be a smug witch but as long as you take care of yourself, I’m happy. No more freaking out. No more threats of needles in the ass. Do we have an understanding?”
“Would you really? Stick a needle in my ass?” My voice was coming back although it was still thick and croaky and hard to force out of my sore throat.
“I might. A girl has to have some fun.” Girl? She must be at least 60… well okay, maybe 45.
“Good girl.” She patted me again, smiling and I wondered guiltily if I had spoken the last thought out loud again.
Despite the fear; the frustration; the urgency my eyes started to get heavy. I widened them and glared accusingly at the nurse.
“What have I done now?” She asked, smiling.
“Sleepy,” I mumbled, angry with myself that I was so weak.
“Of course you are. You’re lucky you’re awake at all. You’ve been unconscious for a long time and the darkness doesn’t let go that easily.”
My eyes snapped open and I literally gawped at her.
“About the darkness?” She smiled and nodded her head.
“I’ve been a nurse for more years than you have been alive. I’ve had many patients come and go and I’ve spoken to them about their experiences. Sometimes they have desperately needed to tell someone who would understand and gradually I came to understand.” She sat down on the bench at the side of the bed and stroked my hand.
“The darkness is a very scary thing, but it only has a holdover on you when you’re lost in it. You’re not lost any more, Jurina. The minute you broke through you weren’t lost in it any more. Sleep is just sleep for you now and you need a lot of it. I know that you don’t want to hear it but if you overtax your body you could make yourself very ill; you could bring the darkness back again. Do you understand? Do you appreciate why we can’t let that happen: why, if you keep on pushing yourself we are going to have to sedate you, to keep you calm as your body comes back to life as your mind has?”
The look on her face was sympathetic but stern. Though she knew what I was feeling; what I was doing; what was going on behind my eyes, but she had no idea. I didn’t give a crap for the darkness right then. It could have come to me then and there for all I cared; just as long as I could speak to Rena first; to know that she was safe; that she would be there with me. I knew that I could overcome anything; if I could overcome her pain.
“You don’t understand.”
“I understand that you’re frightened and stubborn and…”
“No, really; you don’t understand. I need to speak to Rena.”
She gave me a long, strange look. “You heard something didn’t you? You heard her say something to you that’s worried you and you won’t be able to rest until you’ve spoken to her and reassured yourself.”
I stared at her, my heart thudding again. How did she knew…?
“How do I know? Twenty years as a nurse has taught me a lot. I’ll make you a deal. If I give you five minutes alone with her do you promise that you will rest properly afterwards?” She gently stroked the hair out of my eyes and the pleasure of her touch almost sent me to sleep right there and then. I sighed and nodded. “Then rest and I promise I will wake you when she gets here.”
For a moment, I let her voice and touched, lulled me then I slipped towards slumber. But then I remembered. What if she couldn’t wake me when she got here? What if she never got here? I jerked back to awareness but before I could say anything the door opened.
The relief that washed over me to see Rena there; standing in the doorway, was almost painful. She looked tired and stressed but she was there; she was alive.
I barely noticed the nurse leave, ushering my complaining mother with her. All I saw; all I cared about, was Rena. Almost hesitantly she walked across the room and sat on the bench. With a great deal of difficulty I managed to turn onto my side so I could see her better. She kept looking at me, not saying anything and I sure as hell didn’t know what to say. How can you just come out and say to the woman who you loved dearly…
‘I know you were going to kill yourself and I really, really need you to tell me that you’re not anymore.’
Well, actually it seems simple now but it wasn’t something I could have coped with then.
All the time I was struggling she didn’t make a move to help me; didn’t say a word. I felt a little aggrieved. I didn’t realize how shocked she was; how frightened.
“Thanks for the help.” I smiled at her.
“What?” Rena seemed to be coming out of a dream.
“Nothing; it’s alright.” I nestled my head into the pillow. It felt cool and I had to close my eyes, almost drifting again. No. I couldn’t do that. Five minutes she’d said. Five minutes wasn’t long and I had already wasted half of them.
I stopped trying to think of what to say and just let myself speak. My voice was harsh and kept disappearing, but I pressed on: the risks of allowing myself to stop were too great not to.
“I liked it when they put me on my side, especially when I was facing the door because that’s the way you came in. I could smell your scent before you were even close. I liked the way you’d put your face on the pillow next to mine and I could feel your breath on my face.”
Rena’s eyes went wide. “You knew? You knew I was here?”
“Of course I did.”
“Why didn’t you…?”
“I couldn’t. In the beginning it was like… It was all so far away. And I found my way back, but it was like I was looking in from the outside. I could hear things sometimes and sometimes I could even feel things… your breath; your touch… but I couldn’t move. I tried hard… really hard but…”
“I know,” Rena said in a strange voice. “At the time I didn’t, but looking back… All those times when the nurses said you were getting distressed; when they were worried about your heart racing… that was when you were trying to reach us wasn’t it?”
“I don’t know. Probably.”
“But you couldn’t.”
“I never stopped trying. Sometimes… sometimes it was hard. It would have been easier to curl up in the darkness and let it all go away. I almost did… sometimes.” It was getting hard to focus and I knew I was sliding. I couldn’t let that happen. Before I could go to sleep, I had to…
“You knew when I was here; when I was with you?”
“And you heard me? You heard me talking to you?”
“Yes, sometimes… all of you.”
“And you were trying to get back to me?”
“All the time.”
Rena paused, turning her head away. “Did you… did you hear… what…? Did you know what…?”
“What do you think made me push through in the end? I was tired. Every time I came close, I tried to get all the way through but I was getting more and more tired and I think that in the end it would have got too hard. But… I heard you Rena; I heard you and I knew what you were going to do and I couldn’t let you.”
Both of us were crying and suddenly Rena threw her arms around me and pressed her face into my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Jurina. I’m so sorry but I truly thought you weren’t going to come back. I couldn’t live without you and I…”
“Hey… it’s okay. I understand; I really do. That’s why I had to come back; right then… because I couldn’t live without you. When I woke up and you weren’t here… I was so scared. I… I thought…”
I was fading fast but I still didn’t know. I still didn’t know.
I whispered with the last of my fading strength. She raised her head and looked into face.
“Tired Rena. Need… need… but…”
Gently, Rena smiled and touched my cheek.
“Sssh then. You need to sleep now. You need to rest to get your strength back.”
“I need… I… need…”
“Ssh, Jurina. It’s alright; it’s going to be alright now.”
Sh–; I was the one who was supposed to be confused and losing the plot. I ground my teeth wondering if everyone around me was stupid… or was I?
“Rena…no; no I…”
Dammit. My voice was fading as fast as I was. I knew full well that I only had seconds before I fell asleep and before I did I had to know. I HAD to know for sure. She wasn’t listening. She was trying to shush me like everyone else but my stubbornness won through again.
My voice was stronger but it took almost all the energy I had. She frowned at me.
“What… you…s…said. I… I need… need to…”
I saw the light go on in her eyes. First she looked stricken and then she smiled and stroked my face. She was crying but smiling at the same time.
“It’s alright, Jurina. I was a fool; a goddamned stupid fool. If I had known you were there… If I had even known that there was a chance you would be…”
“Were you really…?”
“Yes, I was really… I had it all prepared; all set out. I came to say goodbye and I was going to…”
I was panicking again and tried to sit up but it sent me to the edge and I barely heard her… but I heard enough to let me release my hold on consciousness willingly and sink softly rather than being dragged down.
“I’m not going to leave you, Jurina. I am never going to leave you. Go to sleep and I promise I will be here when you wake up.”
Although I was falling into darkness again it wasn’t the darkness and I went willingly, knowing that soon I would rise again and when I did she would be waiting.
“Jurina… Jurina, Can you hear me?”
“Hey are you listening?”
Jurina turned her face to the right and saw Rena’s forehead creased , as she was staring back at her.
“Oh that one’s Orion, the hunter,” Rena looked back upwards the resumed from telling Jurina about the stars, stories of constellations and the planets.
“And if you look up there,” she said, pointing to the brightest star in view, “that one’s Venus.”
“I thought Venus was a planet?” Jurina questioned.
After a couple of months that she had been discharged from the hospital, Rena and Jurina went back to their usual favorite spot. Observing the stars while lying on a blanket covered grass next to each other. And Jurina couldn’t imagine a single moment in her whole life where she’d been more calm or relaxed.
“Yes, it’s the only planet visible from earth, on a night like this, you can see her in her full glory.” Rena replied her gaze never left the sky.
Jurina rolled onto her side, and moved her arm, trying to get into a more comfortable position.
Rena turned away from her beloved stars for a second to smile at Jurina, then quickly gazing back skywards, and then lay flat next to her. Jurina returned it just as warmly, lingering on her features for a few moments.
Jurina misses everything about Rena. Her long passed the shoulder blades dark hair spilling around her back, her round expressive brown eyes, her sweet smile and her milky white skin. Rena looked perfect. God-like in fact.
“What are you thinking?” Rena turned to her, half whispering up towards her face, as she noticed Jurina was again lost on thought.
“I was thinking of how long we’ve been together, and why we haven’t had sex yet…” Jurina responded in a coquettish manner.
The soft ray of the moon illuminated the perfect feature of Rena’s beautiful face and Jurina could clearly make out the crimson blush gathered to her cheeks. Yet, Rena tried to conceal it by turning over onto her stomach, and pretended to be interested in a certain blade of grass.
While Jurina watched her twisting it in her fingers, she tantalized and gently stroking the small of Rena’s back. Tentatively tracing letters, words, over Rena’s back between her bra strap and the top of her waist line. Not realizing what Jurina was doing.
Rena missed the first couple of letters, but still got the gist of what Jurina was trying to spell out.
Two almost intersecting lines connected right above her waist. The letter V. Four gentle lines, three traced to her side making Rena shiver when they reached the edge, and a final one straight down making her leg twitch slightly. The letter E. Three more lines, then a circle, then a final curve. YOU.
Jurina’s magic fingers left Rena feeling slightly drowsy amongst other things as she re-traced her sentence.
‘I love you.’
Rolling over, Rena gazed right into Jurina’s beautiful eyes, just inches away from her own.
“I thought, we would never had a chance to be with each other again.” Jurina’s face was leveled with Rena. Nose to nose and foreheads touching.
Rena leaned upwards and her lips resolutely pressed against her. Savoring the soft texture and the sweet taste of Jurina’s lips.
Lingering there and enjoying the tickling sensation it brought to the both of them. Rena then pulled away slightly, and moved her leg more over Jurina, who was almost laid on top of her with Rena’s bottom half with Jurina’s arm still around her shoulders.
Suddenly, Rena withdrew, rolling over onto her other side, moving away from Jurina, who felt her start to shake slightly.
So Jurina gently placed her other arm over Rena, sliding her fingertips under the other girls’ rib cage, and slowly rolled her back over.
“Why are you crying?” Jurina whispered softly.
“I’m so glad you stayed with me..” Rena said. There was a solitary tear rolling down her face.
“Thanks to you. You called me back. It was your voice that I clung to, that kept me tethered here. I couldn’t leave it behind”.
Being a cry baby as she was, Rena’s tears flow like a river as the memories invaded back again.
“It already came to pass. Where together now.” Jurina leaned forward to kissed Rena in the nose, while her thumbs softly caressing Rena’s cheek and cleared her tears.
“I’ve ruined everything haven’t I?” Rena chuckled through her tears.
“Still, I love my cry baby Rena.” Jurina finished, and leaned over, placing her leg over Rena, entwining her slim fingers in Rena’s smooth dark hair, and pulled her face upwards slightly until their lips met once more.